~ Finances were
done by Dad so when he died, Mom was clueless. After his death, I tried
to teach her to use the ATM to get cash, but she did not understand.
She’d write a check and get the cash at the bank (that’s fine) but
eventually, my sister and I had to start filling out the check. She
never did an ATM transaction: it was always done by me on her behalf.
Thankfully, she relied on us daughters to take care of the major items.
In the early days, she was still able to pay bills but she received
contribution envelopes from her church and thought she should
start giving several hundred dollars a month. We realized that perhaps
it was time to make a change. We got her to agree to my sister being on
the checking account, diverted her mail to my sister and my sister
started paying the bills. Problem solved – for a while – until Mom
could no longer live at home alone.
Helen's daughter, OR
~
My mother was always in charge of her checkbook and balanced her bank
statement. I found unpaid bills or checks missing. At first, she was
“so sure” she could do this that I would have to sneak paying bills. I
believe I let her keep her own register of payments but I had my own
and let her do what she wanted. She wasn’t aware she was screwing
things up.
Marie’s daughter, MN
~ When they
went shopping or out to eat, Dad would hand his billfold to the clerk
and say, “Take what you need.” After that happened, Mom would put only
$20.00 in his billfold. Mom had Power of Attorney.
Alvin's daugher, IA
Rare "in the moment" times to cherish (Fall)
~ I knew my Grandma’s health was failing. I was scheduled to return to California and had to go. She looked at me as I was leaving and said, “Thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me. I’ve always loved you.” I cried then as I cry now as I write this. She died 2 or 3 days later.
Gen’s granddaughter, CA
~ When we would walk down the hall at the nursing home, Mother would introduce me to everyone, even though I had met everyone before.
Margaret’s daughter, KS
~ She responded to my singing old hymns and would either sing with me or would be very quiet to listen.
Mildred’s daughter, IA
~ So far, Dad has the ability to respond to those talking with him. On occasion, he may not know someone or a pet. So far, he has stayed pretty positive through the disease.
Roy’s daughter, MN
~ Mom communicated best when we talked about her growing up. She had lots of stories. The more recent the years we asked about, the less she remembered.
Donna’s daughter, IA
~ We cherished her smile when she was in a good mood because you never knew when she would get mad.
Helen’s daughter, OR
Medical decisions at this point (Fall)
~ At the beginning we tried supplements, herbals and vitamins. We also tried various antidepressants but they all seemed either upset Mom's stomach or have ill- or no effects. Eventually, her nighttime hallucinations led us to sleeping aids and other anti-hallucinogenic drugs. Each of these had either limited or short-lived effects.
Helen's daugher, OR
~ Mother refuses to even discuss a nursing home. I will have her until she is gone or I am gone - one or the other.
Charlotte's daughter, TX
~ In the last year, Dad has been through six surgeries. It has been hard to deal with because he is not only mentally deteriorating, but physically, too! When the prospect of another surgery is mentioned, I cringe and pray for wisdom. When does someone say enough is enough???
Roy's daughter, MN
~ After entering the hospital in August, Clarence would sit in a wheelchair and visit with others there. Then in September, he was not out of bed for anything. [I also made the decision about] no feeding tube or anything to keep him alive. That was a hard decision for me and my daughter. We could see he was really going downhill and they did not recommend it, either.
Clarence's wife, SC
Accepting that the end is near (Winter)
~ Mom was in a coma for several days. At this point, we all wanted her to be free of all the pain and have peace. The doctors were pretty direct as to what was happening.
Donna's daughter, IA
~ My sister struggled with letting Mom go even until two days before Mom died. She wanted feeding tubes and treatment for pneumonia. But we talked and she finally decided that those measures were more for her, not Mom.
Helen's daughter, OR
~ I had difficulties honoring my mother's Living Will but my sister insisted that we honor Mom's wishes. I felt like I was giving up on her.
Helen's daughter, WA
~ Acceptance of the end was "forced" upon me when I got a call telling me to come to the nursing home as quickly as possible. We arrived within ten minutes, as did four of my five children. My mother was nearly comatose at this point. We called a priest - I knew she would want this - and he administerd Last Rites (for the second time) and prayed for her.
Genevieve's daughter, MN
Thought for the week:
"One person caring about another represents life's greatest value."
